


Before You Go

by leiareads



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, R Plus L Equals J, jon is not a snow obviously, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiareads/pseuds/leiareads
Summary: With a phone call in the middle of the night, grief hits the Starks hard once again, and Robb wonders if he could have changed it, somehow.
Relationships: Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a ride guys. I suggest you to open Spotify or Youtube and let Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi play in the background on loop while reading this. You can even check out the lyrics before starting. Remind you, this is not a happy story and has mentions of suicide. Proceed at your own risk.

His father’s loud ringtone woke Robb in the middle of the night. Mother, Father, him, and Sansa and their unborn sister slept all together because there was a big storm, and Sansa was scared, as always. He couldn’t blame her; she was only two, but Robb was five and a big boy, so he was only here to support Sansa and the little pup, as he would like to call her since Mother and Father haven’t decided on a name for the baby yet. He wasn’t afraid of the storm. Even if it was big. Very big.

“Yes, Lya?”

His father answered the phone, his voice sleepy. Robb just shrugged it off. Aunt Lyanna sometimes called him in the middle of the night, for what he never knew. It was between them, and Mother said eavesdropping on people was really rude, so he tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t when he heard a childish voice which Robb knew very well who belonged to.

“Jon? Why are you awake in the middle of the night, boy?”

After that, Mother left the bed to ask Father what was happening, but Robb couldn’t turn around and look at them because he didn’t want them to know he was listening. He knew it wasn’t a good thing to do but wasn’t listening to it on purpose. He was just... Hearing it. Then Father’s voice came really loud, and he couldn’t stop himself from jumping in fear.

“What?!”

Father’s voice had never been that loud before, even when he and Mother argued -which wasn’t very often, they were happy most of the time- he would never shout at her. The storm may not have scared Robb, but this frightened him. Something was wrong.

“Ned?”

His mother asked in a worried tone; her voice was sleepy as well, but it sounded way more tired than Father’s. The doctor said the little pup was tiring her too much, and she had to rest a lot. Robb wasn’t the happiest with the news, but the little pup would get out from Mother’s belly soon, so then they could do snowball fights or make snow angels in the garden again. Maybe the little pup would join them too. With the sound, Sansa woke up as well, and she turned to the other side to look at their parents, unlike him.

“Mama?”

Sansa sounded like she was about to cry, so Robb turned around to hug her and caress her hair, just like Mother used to when Sansa was sad. Mother turned and looked at him with thanking eyes, then kissed Sansa’s cheek, smiling.

“It’s alright sweetli-”

“Jon, leave that room and pack your stuff as much as you can, alright? I’m coming.”

Her smile faded, and she turned around to face Father quickly after his loud voice. He wasn’t shouting like the first time, but he was still loud. Sansa looked terrified, and when Robb looked at his father again, he was shocked to see tears in his eyes. He hanged up the phone and went to his wardrobe to get some clothes, totally ignoring Mother, who was looking at him with worried but also demanding eyes.

“What’s going on, my love?”

She asked once again, moving towards him, but Father still didn’t say anything, just kept on putting his clothes on. When he was finished, he planted a kiss on Mother’s neck as he always did, but Mother didn’t smile as she used to at the move. She followed him with angry steps until the door and grabbed his arm before he could leave.

“Ned, just say something for god’s sake!”

His mother tried to keep her voice as calm as possible, but he heard the irritation in it, and Father must have heard it too since he looked at him and Sansa for a moment and then led her outside the room.

Robb didn’t hear anything this time, and he didn’t try to. Instead, he smiled at her frightened sister.

“Why papa shout? Mama and he fight?”

He quickly shook his head before he or Sansa could believe her words. They weren’t fighting, and he didn’t think they were arguing at the door. Yes, Mother was frustrated because Father ignored her, but Father was calm when he led her outside.

“But why papa shout then?”

“I don’t know, Sansa.”

Robb answered her, sighing. He had a confused look on his face when Sansa drew a sharp breath, her blue eyes widening.

“Maybe Jon hurt?”

She asked, and that made him think. Why would Jon be hu-

“Papa say pack your things to Jon."

“I know, but maybe Jon wanted to come to our sleepover?”

Robb suggested, but Sansa shook her head sadly.

“Papa never shout Jon. If Jon say good thing, why Papa shout?”

She did have a point, but nothing else came to his mind at the moment. When he heard her yawn, he planted a kiss on her beautiful auburn strands, so much like Mother’s, like his. He wondered if their new sister would have their hair as well.

“You should sleep, Sansa. Everything’s fine.”

She nodded and wrapped her little arms around him, and he smiled. His little sister looked so much like Mother. She had a few pictures from her childhood, but the ones she had looked just like Sansa, though Mother said she would be much more beautiful than her, but Robb didn’t quite believe her. Not that Sansa wasn’t beautiful, she was, and she surely would grow to be a great beauty, but Mother was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, and he wasn’t sure how someone could be even more beautiful than her. 

His head turned quickly to the door when he heard a sob and saw Mother staring at the two with teary eyes. Maybe… Sansa was right? That made him frightened.

“Mama, is Jon hurt?”

He whispered with a shaky voice. His mother quickly dried her tears with her hands and sat on the bed.

“No, sweetling. Everything will be fine.”

“Then why are you crying?”

She paused, and when she bit her lip, Robb knew she was troubled. She always did that when she was concerned.

“I think your Aunt Lyanna was really sad these times, and I’m sorry for her.”

“But she’ll be happy, right?”

Tears once again prickled in Mother’s eyes after his question.

“She will.”

Then she got up, putting the blanket over the two of them, and Robb winced in protest.

“It will be cold in a few hours, my love. Sleep now, we’ll have a long day tomorrow.”

Robb yawned and closed his eyes, too tired to ask why. But he could hear his mother crying and whispering.

“Please let it be a misunderstanding. Please, Lya, don’t be…”

* * *

When he woke up again, Mother was gone, and the sun was up. Though it looked like it had just risen, and Robb was grateful that Mother had put the blanket over them. 

He got out of bed, trying not to wake Sansa, wondering if Father had come home. He smiled as he reached the doorknob without any difficulties. Feeling proud of himself, he went downstairs, but those emotions were quickly forgotten when he saw his mother sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hands.

“Mother!”

He shouted, running up to her.

“You’re not allowed to have coffee!”

Mother chuckled at that, and Robb put his hands to his hips, irritated.

“A cup won’t affect anything.”

She replied, stroking his curly and probably messy hair. Robb had to admit, he _loved_ it when she did that, even if he was a big boy now. _I can still be a big boy and love that,_ he thought to himself.

“Father won’t be happy about it.”

He said softly, his irritation wholly gone. Mother smiled despite being clearly tired.

“What your father doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?”

He nodded and smiled in response, putting his ear to Mother’s not too swollen tummy.

“Good morning little pup... Are you awake like Mother as well?”

He felt a kick after his question, and Mother laughed.

“I think she is…”

She said, taking the last sip of her coffee. Robb lifted his face to look at her without taking his ear from Mother’s tummy.

“I should wash this before your Father comes, can your conversation with your sister wait for a minute?”

Robb smiled at her once again, taking his face from her tummy and following her to the kitchen.

“When is he coming by the way? It’s been so many hours since he left.”

“He won’t be long.”

Mother replied. After she was done, she turned to her, drying her hands with a towel.

“Jon is coming too, along with your Uncle Benjen. In fact, your cousin will stay here with us for a while.”

Robb smiled widely. He was delighted that Uncle Benjen was coming, he lived far away, and he didn’t get to see him often, but Robb was happier about Jon if he was honest with himself. Jon like his brother, his best friend, and when they met to play, time went too fast, and it was always too late and time to go home before they had enough. With him coming here, they would have plenty of time to play their wolf games. What could be better than that?

“That’s great news, Mama!”

He exclaimed, but his mother didn’t look happy or excited like him.

“Come, Robb. We have to talk.”

The smile he had on his face faded just as quickly as it came. Maybe Mother caught him listening to them last night and would give him a long lecture about why he shouldn’t do that. But it wasn’t as he did it on purpose; he just heard it! 

“Have I done something wrong?”

He sighed in relief when she shook her head. 

“It’s not about you my sweet. It’s about your Aunt Lyanna.”

Her voice broke at the end of the sentence, and her eyes started getting watery. That made Robb afraid. Still, he obediently came towards her, and she sat on her knees, and Robb sat on her lap as much as the little pup allowed. She looked up and gave a deep breath before facing him.

“Do you remember when I told you your Aunt Lyanna was really sad?”

He nodded. He was sleepy then but he didn’t forget.

“And you told me she would be happy.”

“Yes...”

She replied hoarsely.

“Your Aunt Lyanna was very sad and tired here, so she went elsewhere to be happy.”

Robb wasn’t sure if he understood it right.

“So she went to heaven like Grandpa Rickard and Uncle Brandon did?”

Tears started escaping her eyes after he said that. Unable to talk, she just nodded. 

“And we won’t be able to see Aunt Lyanna again?”

He asked, his eyes getting watery as well. She nodded again, and Robb threw his arms around her neck, though they couldn’t get really close because of the baby. Mother still caressed his hair, trying to soothe him.

“I’m really sorry, Robb. I’m really sorry…”

He wanted to cry but didn’t. Father wasn’t here to soothe her, so he would do it instead. He would be a big boy for real. Therefore he took his hands from her neck and clumsily dried the tears on his mother’s cheek.

“Don’t cry Mama, I don’t want you to be sad.”

Her lips curled up into a small smile, and she gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m afraid I can’t help it, son. It is a sad situation.”

She was right, of course, and her words made him wonder something.

“But what about Jon? Will he be able to see his mother?”

She sighed deeply before answering.

“No, but his mother will be by his side always, even if he cannot see her.”

Then she took him from her lap softly, standing up. It was just then when Robb realized she her face was very red.

“I look very red don’t I?”

She asked, and there was a bigger smile on her face. Robb smiled back at her and nodded. It was a trait that passed onto him as well; whenever they got embarrassed or cried too much, their face would get this new really-red color from their usual skin tone. His father said it suited him and Mother, but they both objected. But they all agreed that it looked lovely on Sansa- red creeping from her cheeks when she felt shy just added more to her beauty.

“I should wash my face then.”

She continued and walked to leave for the bathroom, but Robb stopped her.

“Mama!”

“Yes, my love?”

She answered, turning around.

“You won’t ever leave us, right? You are sad and tired now, but you won’t leave us.”

She came back next to him, and Robb could once again see tears in her eyes.”

“I won’t my boy. I promise you.”

After a kiss on the cheek, she left, and Robb went to the living room, impatiently waiting for Jon while wondering what would happen to him now.

* * *

Mother said they weren’t so late, but Robb wasn’t sure. He was so bored that he could start counting how many strands of hair his mother had. He would have been done by the time they arrived indeed.

His father got inside first, and he looked miserable. Robb knew his father loved Aunt Lyanna very much, and knowing he wouldn’t ever see her again must have saddened him a lot. _I would be the same if Sansa was gone,_ he thought sadly, but that wasn’t happening anytime soon. _I will never leave her, and she won’t ever leave me._

“Ned…”

His mother whispered, then reached out to hug him. Father buried his face in Mother’s hair, and Robb smiled slightly; Father always loved to do that.

“I tried so hard, Cat… I tried so hard to protect her, to make her happy, but I failed.”

Their voices were quiet, but Robb still understood what they said.

“It’s not your fault, you know it isn’t.”

“I know, but…”

His father sighed, and they broke their embrace.

“How could she feel so worthless? I just wonder, if I hadn’t shown her how much I loved and cared for her despite everything that happened…”

Mother replied to him, but Robb didn’t hear what she said because Jon and Uncle Benjen got inside.

“Jon!”

He said, running to hug him. He hugged him back.

“I missed you, you took forever to come here!”

Robb said in a festive mood, but Jon remained expressionless. 

“I had to pack everything, Uncle Ned said I’ll live here now.”

“I know! We will have plenty of time to play and will never have to be separated again!”

He exclaimed, but Jon sighed.

“It’s because my mother is dead.”

Robb drew a sharp breath after his cousin’s words.

“Don’t say that! Aunt Lyanna went to heaven to be happy!”

Jon just shrugged.

“It’s the truth.”

“Let’s take your stuff upstairs, Jon.”

Uncle Benjen said to him. When Robb looked up to him, he saw that he was sad like everyone else. That made Robb feel sad, too. But still, he wrapped his arms around Uncle Benjen’s leg to greet him.

“Welcome back, Uncle Benjen.”

His uncle smiled at him slightly.

“You’ve gotten big since I last saw you, my nephew. You’re big boy now huh?”

Robb smiled back at that.

“Of course I am.”

He replied proudly.

“Then you can help us get Jon’s stuff upstairs?”

Robb nodded, leaving his uncle’s leg and taking a bag from the floor. Then he quickly ran up to his mother, who was just behind them.

“Mother! Can Jon stay in my room?”

Mother sighed, thinking. She glanced at Father and then looked back at him.

“He can, if he wants to of course.”

Robb eagerly turned to Jon after Mother’s reply. Jon nodded.

“I would like that.”

“Then our destination is Robb’s room?”

Uncle Benjen asked them, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Yes!”

Robb exclaimed so he, Jon, Uncle Benjen, and his mother walked towards the stairs, but he and Mother stopped when they heard his father’s voice.

“Cat, can we talk for a moment?”

He asked. Mother nodded and then planted a kiss on top of his head.

“Go on, Robb. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Robb nodded and quickly went upstairs, trying to reach Jon and Uncle Benjen. They were already inside his room by the time he arrived.

“We thought you got lost on the way!”

Uncle Benjen joked, and Robb smiled at him, putting the bag down.

“Is the little princess still sleeping?”

He asked after, and Robb nodded.

“I’ll take a look at her, you boys behave alright?”

“Okay.”

They both answered simultaneously, and Robb expected Jon to look and smile at him like he always did when they talked together. But he didn’t. When Uncle Benjen left the room, Robb ran to Jon’s bags to see what he brought.

“Did you bring Ghost? We should put it next to Grey Wind on my bed!”

Their wolf stuffies were important because Father said their name was a really old one, and the old Starks were kings who rode to battles with enormous dire wolves. So whenever a new Stark was born, they would give them stuffies of dire wolves; it was a way of recalling the family’s history. His one had smoke grey fur and yellow eyes, and Robb always imagined him as a swift wolf, being lean. That’s why he named it Grey Wind. Ghost was utterly different than Grey Wind. His fur was snow-white, and his eyes red. Jon told him Aunt Lyanna wanted it to be that way, but they didn’t know why. Jon nodded, pointing the bag next to him. Robb kind of made a mess trying to find the wolf, but he gave a squeal of joy when he saw it.

“They are small pack though.”

He commented, looking at the two wolf stuffies now side by side.

“Maybe we can put Lady next to them as well. When the little pup gets her own stuffy, she can join the pack.”

Robb smiled at Jon’s response.

“They’ll be a huge pack then!”

Jon gave him a little smile in return. And that’s when Robb remembered something.

“Oh!”

He gasped, running towards the drawer to pull out two brand new jump ropes.

“Look, Mother bought us jump ropes! Maybe we can play with them in the backyard when the weather gets better!” 

Robb was expecting Jon to smile and accept his offer; he was dying to play with them the last time they met, but Mother said they didn’t have it at home then, and they had it now. So when he heard his breath hitch, Robb furrowed his brows in confusion.

“No!”

His cousin protested. That confused Robb even more. _But he wanted them as much as I did! He begged to Father to let them jump on his veeeeery long one!_

“But you wanted them too!”

He replied. He’d been waiting for him to come for days so they would open them together! It wasn’t fair that he changed his mind all of a sudden.

“I don’t want them anymore!”

“But Jon-“

“I don’t want them!”

Robb was going to argue, but he swallowed his words when he heard a sob from him, and Mother burst into the room just after that.

“Boys? Are you alright?”

Her face looked red and worried, especially when she saw Jon crying. Robb lowered his gaze apologetically. He didn’t mean to make Jon cry. 

“What happened, Robb?”

She asked softly. When he looked at them again, she was hugging Jon and caressing his hair. Most importantly, she didn’t look angry. Robb sighed and showed the jump ropes in his hands before answering.

“I asked him if he wanted to play with the jump ropes when the weather gets better, but-

“I didn’t want to play with them.”

Jon continued. He was still sobbing, but he took his head from Mother’s shoulder to look at him and the ropes, then at Mother.

“I don’t want to play with them, because….”

Even though Jon didn’t face him right now, Robb knew his lip was trembling.

“Because they took my mommy away.”

“Oh, Jon…”

Mother hugged him once again; they were crying together this time. Robb frowned at the sight and hid the ropes in a random drawer.

“Jon, Mother…”

He said cautiously, approaching them.

“Please don’t cry. I put them away. Jon, we can play with the figures Father gave us last Christmas. And plus, jumping on the bed is more fun anyways.”

“Robb!”

His mother admonished him, half sobbing and half laughing. He gave his best puppy eyes in return.

“Can we at least do a pillow fight?”

She sighed; her tears stopped then. 

“Would you like that too, Jon?”

Jon raised his head and wiped his eyes before answering with a smile. 

“I think I would.”

“Wonderful!”

Mother replied happily, standing up. Robb held her hand quickly; she sometimes had trouble doing that because of the little pup. She muttered a thank you before speaking again.

“Whatever mess you make, you will clean by yourselves. Is it clear?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Yes, Aunt Cat.”

Jon did turn and smile at him when they talked at the same time again. That made Robb smile even more.

“Good.”

Robb ran and hugged his mother. She chuckled and hugged him in return.

“Thank you Robb. You made me really happy and proud today.”

Robb only hugged her tighter after the words she whispered, and Mother stroked his curly hair that had the exact color as hers. She broke the hug and planted a kiss on his cheek before she left the room.

“You two behave, alright? No biting!”

Robb turned around to see Jon talking to Ghost and Grey Wind. His words made him laugh.

“Are you ready?”

He asked playfully, grabbing a pillow. Jon chuckled, taking the other one.

“You go first, Stark.”

Jon replied with a smile on his face. Then, there were pillows everywhere. Robb didn’t understand when they actually fell and were lying on the floor, laughing. Jon was laughing so hard that tears were coming from his eyes. When Mother had first told him that people could also cry from happiness, he hadn’t really believed him. He thought people could only cry because they were sad. That put a frown on Robb’s face. His thoughts went to Aunt Lyanna then. She must have cried a lot. _I could make Mother and Jon smile even when they are sad,_ Robb thought. He wondered if he could have done the same thing to Aunt Lyanna as well. 

“Once more?”

Jon asked playfully, pulling him away from his thoughts. He only managed to smile a little bit then.

“Okay.”

He answered his cousin while taking his pillow into his hands again. _Maybe things would be different then._

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired from the beautiful song Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi. I read what’s behind the lyrics and it’s actually a song about his aunt, who took her own life when Capaldi was 5. I know some things aren’t left clear because we see it all from Robb’s perspective, and he’s a child. Let alone suicide, the concept of death isn’t quite clear in his mind. But the song isn’t really about death but the ones you leave behind. So a Lyanna PoV was out of question. I didn’t want to do a Ned, Catelyn or Jon PoV for the story because it felt too intense, and to be honest, I am not sure if I could have handled it. Even if I did, I don’t think it would be pleasant to share. It felt best like this, because with Robb I got the opportunity to keep the plot going while not making it too deep and dark. Taking your own life, losing a sister after you’ve lost your father and brother, seeing your husband go back to that dark place once again, just after he started recovering or witness your mother in that situation as a child… It would’ve been too much. I hope you guys are not disappointed with the point of view I chose and enjoyed it. I know it’s a very sensitive topic and I would really like to know your opinions on it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
